Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
