he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
