he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
