i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
