My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
