After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
