3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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