plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
