thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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