I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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