Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
