Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i've created a new STD.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
