I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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