Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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