I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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