They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
