dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
