i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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