why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
