When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
