standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
where are my eyebrows?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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