Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
