True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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