your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.