dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.