dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
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i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.