i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem