you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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