I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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