you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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