just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
