What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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