i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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