Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick