You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?