A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day