what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.