Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
