I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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