So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
