oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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