finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
