Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
