It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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