guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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