She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
where are my eyebrows?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
