I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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