You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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