Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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