My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
