Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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