Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
