If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
