just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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