I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
