While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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