he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
