I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
