We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
