Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
