I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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