is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
