two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
