Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
