Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My ATM looks so different sober.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
