my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
