Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
