I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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