i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
