oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
