at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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