i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
