i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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