We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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