nutella sex= disaster
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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