dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
